Grandmother

Silence is not golden.

It gives my mind the confidence it needs to wander,

Wander to uncharted lands, 

Wander into the deepest, darkest depths

and leave me stranded at sea.

Silence is dangerous.

It awakens all kinds of demons.

Demons of doubt and concern

Ideas so irrational when spoken aloud 

yet real enough to let the anxiety set in.

Silence is a blank canvas.

It lets my thoughts paint their own picture of reality.

Its a slippery slope of fear that constantly sends my head in a spin.

I push out the silence with any and everything.

Music, keep it blaring through the night.

Alcohol, I hold my shot glass tight.

Fill it up, fill it up, until my mind goes numb.

Sex, the physical penetration distracts from my mind’s overstimulation.

It’s hard to freak out when each stroke let’s the freak out. 

Don’t walk away.

Bring…